The very first time I can remember conducting a “strategic life review” was seven years ago, around March or April 2001. It was the Holy Week then, and I was by myself at what was then Powerbooks Arnaiz, hiding behind some shelves in the Religion section. I was hunched over The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) and The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron)—hurriedly taking notes on a black, lined paper using metallic-colored gel pens, hoping I wouldn’t get caught. It was my first encounter with those life-changing books, and the first time I can remember REALLY taking a good look at my life as it was.
At 21 then, it was probably the first time in my young adult life that I had felt very confused and very much “out of sync.” Neither my job nor my relationship then provided any fulfillment, and I was still hanging on to some old strings that should no longer have been relevant. I was not happy with my life—I was not happy with my self—and all around me were questions, questions, questions.
In spite of the angst that that period brought about, the exercise of reading good books, jotting down notes, and letting the questions flow proved to be monumental for me—as it led me on a journey toward self-awareness, self-discovery, passion, authenticity, and—now—some semblance of serenity.
So I am not surprised that today, seven years later—also during the Holy Week—I find myself needing to go partly back and take another look at my life. Let’s call it a “quarterly life review,” as much of what I am enjoying now is a direct result of actions, decisions, and circumstances that arose only in January.
* * *
When the year began, I was only beginning to recover from a traumatic Christmas. A series of misunderstandings, assumptions, and “implosions” nearly tore me and my beloved apart, and it took a very conscious series of decisions for us to get our relationship back on track. We vowed that 2008 was going to be “our year”—individually and as a couple—and that it was going to be the period for redefining our lives. I also made some very crucial career decisions in January, and those allowed me to look at myself and my work with renewed pride and confidence. I told myself that nobody was going to make me feel bad or inadequate—especially when it came to my work—ever again.
February was a crazy month, and if I were to create a timeline of this month alone it would seem like I packed several months’ worth of activity in time to celebrate the leap year. February 2 saw Paul and I having our first-ever major birthday bash—it was filled with music from start to finish, and attended by over a hundred of our dearest friends. (Rehearsal for wedding reception preparations? Maybe.) By the 5th politics had started overtaking our lives—this was the night of the leadership change in the Lower House (which we watched on live TV ‘till way past midnight)—and by the 8th we literally saw history unfold as we caught the live, breaking-news coverage of the Lozada exposé. It was also the night when I wrote the “Concerned Citizen’s 10-point Reform Agenda”, a letter that catapulted me into the world of real-world politics. On February 16 I joined a discussion among young Filipinos, which soon morphed into what is now Team RP, and by the 25th Team RP was holding its first major event ever—a Concert for Truth, Accountability, and Reform that gained massive media coverage. (Friends actually messaged to say that they saw me on TV!) It was also the day when Heaven gave me another angel-guide when my dear friend, Jay Tan, passed away and reminded me of how short life is, indeed.
March has been an equally fast-paced month. We’re not even at the end yet, and—quite wonderfully—I’m already up to my eyebrows in projects that I really enjoy (with people that I respect and enjoy working with), and I once again find myself in a leadership position that reaffirms and reinvigorates my love for the political scene. I really don’t know why, but... throw me in a fashion show and I’ll still feel awkward; throw me in a political gathering and I’ll feel very much at home and in my element. So for the first time in a very long time, I feel that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. Here, I am not a mere observer, I am not just a chronicler; I am an active participant and a key player, and my opinions matter. (And the fact that I still get to enjoy the arts, culture, and lifestyle scenes is a heady bonus for me!)
* * *
A few weeks ago, I declared on Facebook that I was “working towards equilibrium.” Now, I feel that I am steadily getting there. Of all the realizations to which this quarter has led me, perhaps the most important is that I need a balance of business, art, and politics in my life. I am not just a writer; I am a creative social entrepreneur. I am not just a lifestyle journalist; I am an arts-and-culture lover. I am not just a former student leader; I am a young Filipino political player (not a “politician”—there’s a big difference). Take any of these elements away and I will feel very wobbly and very much misaligned. But give me the space to do and be all of these things and I will bloom like a seed planted in the ideal environment.
My friend Carissa Villacorta gave me a wonderful book for Christmas/my birthday. Entitled Live What You Love: Notes from an Unusual Life, it was written by Bob and Melinda Blanchard, a couple who defined their family life not based on the usual conventions but on what they felt was important to them. It reminded me very much of the life that Paul and I had begun building together. Here is an excerpt from the Introduction:
“What happens if life falls outside the expected lines and inside others that are self-defined? Our experiences tell us that living this way is as wonderful as it is odd. We happen to believe that life really is about choices, and we love what happens when interesting ones get paired together...
“Truly living this way has taken courage, faith, and more than an occasional dose of old-fashioned stubbornness. We tend not to give up. We try not to go with the usual choices. Even so, it has not always been easy to ‘stay true’ to our dreams and passions...
“After reflecting on all these moments, we realized that we had never said ‘no’ to one of our dreams. Together, we had always examined where we were in life and what we needed to continue on the path that was right for us. We balanced our dreams with practicalities, but never gave up on them. We were not afraid to risk it all and make huge mistakes and start over again. We surrounded ourselves with people we love in places that nurture our souls. We held hands and jumped into the water together. We made our dream come true by living what we love every single day.”
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