Changing Others

Note: After a sudden and frightening panic attack, wrought mainly be repressed emotions and unexpressed fears, I turned to the words of one of my spiritual mentors for guidance. As always, the right words and images come when you are clear about what you are seeking. This passage hit right home. After the episode had passed, I realized that there was nothing unusual about the events that had led up to the "attack"; it was my disposition the whole day, and the thoughts that I had allowed to marinate in my head (as well as an overdose of The Sopranos), that caused one of the strangest episodes in my entire adult life.

Changing Others
By Noel Resella, M. Msc.

The person you desire to change is acceptable as is; it is you who has the problem. Sometimes the only way to be responsible is to remove yourself from your immediate environment. But if you want to maintain the relationship, the only way to resolve the issue is to change your viewpoint. The problem stems from your reactions to what the other person says and does, it’s not the person who makes you react. You are responding to your viewpoint that this individual should be different. You want someone to change and be the way you want that person to be.

You feel you can’t help being upset, but you can stop being upset once you fully accept the futility of the upsets and stop reacting. Right now, you’re playing the part of the victim and you still have expectations of change. But people can’t change unless they really want to.

It’s all right for others to be just the way they are and it’s all right for you not to be affected. By changing your viewpoint, you can transform the way you experience this part of your life. If you’re no longer affected by the problem, you no longer have a problem even though nothing about the situation has changed except your perspective.

Affirmation for today: I am open to new ways of perceiving people, things and situations. My openness creates new experiences for the good of all.