Being in and out of the doctor’s office for the past month has turned my life outside down. For the first time in a very long time, I felt pains that I did not know could ever exist; I experienced the feeling of helplessness and uncertainty; I felt useless, pathetic, and unloved. It was very brutal for my ego, and unsettling for my soul.
But then I realized that everything that was happening to me was, indeed, a result of my own negligence—and not of the physical sort. For months now, I have been keeping negative thoughts, ill feelings, hurts, pains, and debilitating beliefs inside me, and they were already damaging my psyche and battering my self-esteem. Now they were manifesting themselves physically, showing up as ugly lumps and bruises, or as sharp and sometimes disabling pains. My spirit was crying out for help, and it used my body to make me sit up and take notice.
I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences in your life: that time when someone broke your heart so bad that you thought your chest would already explode, or that time when you were worrying so much about something that you were already getting unexplainable migraines, or that time when you held so much hatred for someone that you were already developing ulcers. Our minds are more powerful, and our bodies more responsive to energies, than we think, that even the slightest alterations in our deeply held beliefs and thoughts can manifest themselves physically. If positive thoughts can save us, then so can negative thoughts destroy us.
I really have had enough of these pains, so last night, I did what I should have done months ago: I wrote my dad a letter detailing everything that I felt for him, all the hurt that I could not articulate, all the hopes that I still had for our relationship. I poured out everything that was causing me pain… and then I burned the letter as a sign of release. I love you, Dad, and I forgive you for everything, my mind said as I watched the paper turn into ashes. I refuse to let this petty little fight hurt us both any longer.
And I felt so much lighter.
When I woke up this morning, a little voice inside me told me that, perhaps, I should write a letter for my mom, too. After all, there was also so much about our relationship that I was keeping inside of me, so many pent-up frustrations and hurts that I could not tell her for fear of hurting her. But I also realized that, by keeping all of those things to myself, I was hurting ME. I was battering myself in the guise of being loyal to my family, and it was just so wrong. Ultimately, I told myself, I had to release all of my pains so that I don’t perpetuate the cycle of hurt and pass it on to my future children. The hurting stops here.
So another letter was written and burned, and with the rising of the smoke came the rising of my hopes that, indeed, all will be forgiven. My parents have had their share of weaknesses and faults; they are only human, after all. But they are MY parents, whether I like it or not. Mom gave me life; Dad gave me legitimacy and a name. They raised me the only way they knew how, and I turned out pretty okay. I may be scarred and bruised for life, but at least I know how to handle adversity, and I know how to rise up from the ashes every time I get burned.
Of course, I cannot discount the fact that I still need to take care of my physical health. But now that I feel cleansed and somewhat healed from within, I’m sure it won’t take long before my body responds and says, “All clear here!”
Yup… all clear here… =)
But then I realized that everything that was happening to me was, indeed, a result of my own negligence—and not of the physical sort. For months now, I have been keeping negative thoughts, ill feelings, hurts, pains, and debilitating beliefs inside me, and they were already damaging my psyche and battering my self-esteem. Now they were manifesting themselves physically, showing up as ugly lumps and bruises, or as sharp and sometimes disabling pains. My spirit was crying out for help, and it used my body to make me sit up and take notice.
I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences in your life: that time when someone broke your heart so bad that you thought your chest would already explode, or that time when you were worrying so much about something that you were already getting unexplainable migraines, or that time when you held so much hatred for someone that you were already developing ulcers. Our minds are more powerful, and our bodies more responsive to energies, than we think, that even the slightest alterations in our deeply held beliefs and thoughts can manifest themselves physically. If positive thoughts can save us, then so can negative thoughts destroy us.
I really have had enough of these pains, so last night, I did what I should have done months ago: I wrote my dad a letter detailing everything that I felt for him, all the hurt that I could not articulate, all the hopes that I still had for our relationship. I poured out everything that was causing me pain… and then I burned the letter as a sign of release. I love you, Dad, and I forgive you for everything, my mind said as I watched the paper turn into ashes. I refuse to let this petty little fight hurt us both any longer.
And I felt so much lighter.
When I woke up this morning, a little voice inside me told me that, perhaps, I should write a letter for my mom, too. After all, there was also so much about our relationship that I was keeping inside of me, so many pent-up frustrations and hurts that I could not tell her for fear of hurting her. But I also realized that, by keeping all of those things to myself, I was hurting ME. I was battering myself in the guise of being loyal to my family, and it was just so wrong. Ultimately, I told myself, I had to release all of my pains so that I don’t perpetuate the cycle of hurt and pass it on to my future children. The hurting stops here.
So another letter was written and burned, and with the rising of the smoke came the rising of my hopes that, indeed, all will be forgiven. My parents have had their share of weaknesses and faults; they are only human, after all. But they are MY parents, whether I like it or not. Mom gave me life; Dad gave me legitimacy and a name. They raised me the only way they knew how, and I turned out pretty okay. I may be scarred and bruised for life, but at least I know how to handle adversity, and I know how to rise up from the ashes every time I get burned.
Of course, I cannot discount the fact that I still need to take care of my physical health. But now that I feel cleansed and somewhat healed from within, I’m sure it won’t take long before my body responds and says, “All clear here!”
Yup… all clear here… =)
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