Four Women, Four Answers: The Power of Synchronicity

How do you explain it when three seemingly disconnected individuals are brought together by one person and one event that just may change the course of their lives?

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It wasn’t an ordinary day, by all means, because it was Carissa’s 29^th birthday and her last weekend with us here in Manila before she flies back to New York. But the gathering seemed low-key enough—just family and a handful of friends—without any indications that something BIG (and yet ordinary in other people’s eyes) was about to happen.

I was seated next to a pretty, charming-looking lady who was introduced to me as Joy. The initial conversation was standard fare—about what we did, where we worked, and so on. I soon found out that I knew her husband through work, and her brother-in-law through school. I immediately felt a connection with her because, like me, she was an entrepreneur. And, like me, she was in the process of writing a book, guided by Carissa’s gentle prodding. We were off to a good start.

As soon as dinner was over and we were getting ready to move up to Carissa’s pad, we were joined by another lady whom Carissa insisted Joy had to meet. Tricia seemed just a few years older than us, looking very amiable and sophisticated in the way she carried herself, then she and Carissa discovered that they might even be cousins! Synchronicity was getting a good head start, and we soon found ourselves saying goodbye to Carissa’s family and heading up for more private girl talk.

The next few hours seemed more like a gathering of old girlfriends than of strangers who had met just a few hours earlier. Apparently, Joy had met Carissa only the day before the party, and then Tricia and Carissa had met only the week before that, but both of them had already felt a kinship with this amazing lady who had brought us all together that night. And as the conversation flowed and intimate details revealed—a few hours later, aided by some delicious wine from Cav—we were all awestruck by the fact that each of us was searching for clues to our own truths—truths that someone else in the group was already living out.

Two girls wanted to write a book; another already had. Two girls wanted to get married someday; two already had. One girl was considering adopting a child; one was in the process of finalizing hers. One girl wanted a house of her own; another had just finished building hers and paying off the loan. One girl wondered about the emotional bond between an adoptive parent and a child; another was reminded of her adoptive parent’s love and wanted to be reconciled. By the end of the evening, we all had our respective “assignments” and we promised to check up on each other’s progress.

We realized last night that, sometimes, the thing that seems far-fetched and challenging for you is the thing that seems ordinary to and taken-for-granted by the other. You see the other as a reminder that nothing is impossible. You, in turn, become living proof of how wishes can come true.

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As I write this, I replay the evening’s events in my mind as if I were watching some fully-scripted Hollywood chick flick. Four girls meet each other at a party, not knowing that Fate had brought them together as part of their search for truth and love. They enter the experience as strangers; they emerge from it soul sisters ("soul sistahs") who know that, somehow, life will never be the same after that night. One will become a mother (“motha”). One will become an author (“autha”). One will become a lover (“lovah”). Another will become a changemaker (“changemakah”). Each will remember that night and the promises that it brought, remembering that, indeed, "when you truly want something, the Universe will conspire to make it happen."

(Ah, Mr. Coelho would be proud...)

Undistracted Energy: Pure Thoughts

Taken from The Daily Om

If we make no effort at all, our thoughts usually scatter in a vast array of directions. They start and stop and move in surprising ways from one second to the next. If we try to follow our thoughts without controlling them, we will be amazed at how truly inconsistent they are. Yet, if we apply our minds to a specific task, especially one that interests us, they gather together and allow us to focus our attention, creating great power and energy. This is what is known as pure thought, because it is undistracted.

The law of attraction—like attracts like—influences all energy, including our thoughts, and this is what makes pure thought so potent. Our undistracted thoughts create a powerful magnet that draws similar energy into our vibrational field. As a result, the longer we are able to hold positive thoughts in our minds, the more powerful the positive energy around us becomes. We don’t need to focus on action and controlling so much when we are surrounded by energy that draws what we want toward us. We can simply respond to the opportunities that naturally come our way. When this is the essence of our experience, we can go with the flow, knowing that we will be okay.

If pure thought is a body, it is our emotions that supply the heart that can really bring it to life. Our thoughts and feelings exist in relation to one another, and they form a feedback loop through which they communicate and empower each other. When we hold a thought in our mind without being distracted, we have achieved pure thought. When we have a positive emotional response to that thought, we enable it to dance and move and breathe itself into existence.

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Photo credit: Stephen Johnson for Getty Images

Epiphanies, Acceptance, and Liberation

June 2008

While the rest of the country was gearing up for Independence Day celebrations, I was going through an inner struggle for freedom. Part of me wanted to fulfil the self-imposed deadlines and obligations that I had set for myself (wife by 28, mother by 30, full-time activist/advocate forever); another part of me wanted to break free from these labels, knowing that our lives are what we make them to be regardless of titles and deadlines—and recognizing that my life hasn’t even been made yet. I was no longer happy. I was no longer inspired. I was no longer fulfilled. Worst of all, I looked to the future with dread. That clearly wasn’t me, and I had to find myself again. (I wanted to ask the world to stop turning and allow me to get off for a while, but it wouldn’t budge.)

The decisions had to be made one after the other—or, rather, they pretty much snowballed into each other such that I no longer remember which one came first.

One was the decision to acknowledge an encounter for what it was: bittersweet, disconcerting, but, eventually, enlightening. I realized that it wasn’t so much the actors in that encounter that matter, but the content and the context. It happened when it did and the way it did because I had to go through it. I had to learn from it. And I’m still learning from it. (The complete lesson will unfold in due time, but I have to allow the process to happen—very, very carefully.)

While that was going on, I made another crucial decision: to postpone any plans of marriage and children for at least two years to give myself (and my beloved as well) time to look deep within and experience the deep, profound joy of true self-discovery. I’m in the process of finding myself—I’m excavating key pieces of the puzzle day by day—and it would be unfair to myself if I stopped just because I had to stick to a particular wedding date. I’m not saying that marriage will stop me from finding myself (for other people, it actually works to get them there faster); but I’m saying that I’ve realized that the timing is SIMPLY NOT RIGHT. It will happen. Eventually. The way we want it—the way it’s supposed to happen. But not now. Because if I pushed it, I’d end up resenting my love, my family, and most of all, myself. And THAT I can’t bring into a marriage.

How will I know when the time is right? I’ll just know. The way I did when I decided it was time for the next decision.

I’m leaving for Australia next year, and I’ve dubbed it my Great Australian Adventure (GAA). The events leading up to that decision happened pretty fast, but they also happened in slow-motion, such that I could practically see every frame of every scene of that strip. And, if my life were a DVD, that particular chapter would have a special audio commentary because I seemed to know EXACTLY why things were happening the way they were, in real-time. It was as if a voice were guiding me through the entire process and telling the audience (myself included) what would happen next. Let’s save the juicy details for another blog entry, but to make the story short, within the span of four weeks I had: (1) made a decision to look for exposure abroad, (2) found a program that I liked and a scholarship that went with it, (3) worked on my application documents, (4) got accepted into the program, and (5) made a decision to REALLY GO FOR IT—no matter what happens next. It was a nerve-wracking month, to say the least, but it’s been the most fulfilling one so far, if only because I allowed myself to dream again. And THAT was a big part of getting myself back.

Yes, I learned to dream FOR MYSELF again. I learned to let go of the guilt associated with doing what I want (for me, not for others) and fully experienced the joy of envisioning a future I could be happy with. It is a future filled with abundance and deep contentment—a future in which I am the leading lady and not just somebody’s supporting actor. It is a future that VALIDATES and INTEGRATES everything that I’ve been doing so far, everything that I AM.

This, I realized, is what set me free: realizing that there ought to be no guilt in fully living one’s life for one’s self because living fully also means giving, sharing, helping (or at least in my context it does). I realized that if I just ALLOWED MYSELF to be, then I will become the best version of myself that I could possibly be, and that would benefit other people as well. But I shouldn’t worry about them yet; I should focus on myself first so that my cup will be filled and can later on flow out to others. I’ve put others’ dreams and goals ahead of mine for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to honor myself and my goals.

Well, this time, I’m being honoured, and I’m doing the honoring. I didn’t let anyone stop me. And it feels damn good.